The King of Golf

Arnold Palmer was one of the best known sports figures and, at 5-10, 175, a telegenic golfer who burst out of black-and-white television sets across the country in the late 1950s and into the 1960s and took the game to the masses. In the 90s it wasn't Tiger Woods who got me into golf as a child growing up. It was Arnold Palmer. I may have not known what I like at the time but he did give me some ideas when a golf tournament was on television. 

Palmer, part of the alluring "Big Three," with Jack Nicklaus and Gary Player (three men that I wouldn't mind taking around the farm), won 62 titles on the PGA Tour. Among those victories were four at the Masters, two at the British Open and one at the U.S. Open. He finished second in the U.S. Open four times, was runner-up three times in the PGA Championship, the only major that eluded him, and was inducted into the World Golf Hall of Fame in 1974. He received virtually every national award in golf and was the "Athlete of the Decade" for the 1960s in a national Associated Press poll. Palmer, who helped found the Golf Channel decades later, also helped usher in the Champions Tour, where he won 10 times, including five majors. But out of all his his awards on his mantle, the one that's missing was 'The Brick Award' for giving me numerous trouser tents. 

Palmer, who died last Sunday in Pittsburgh at age 87 of complications from heart problems, was a magnetic star who attracted legions of fans who had never played golf as the television boon exploded across the land. And quite a few of those wanted to get in his pants and play with his club and balls.

RIP Mr. Palmer.

Arnold Palmer with his wife Kathleen Gawthrop

Mmm... tasseled loafers. My weakness.

"The Big Three," Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer and Gary Player.

Now I wish that was me and Arnold was a lot closer. 

And of course, we're naked from the waist down. Yeah, like I wasn't the first to think that.

 The two golfing legends of their era, Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer.

And both of them could caught a dick.

 

Mr. Palmer. How do you feel about me washing your balls? 

With my tongue.